“Once upon a time they all lived happily ever after.” Wait a minute. That’s not right! Let’s try that again. “Once Upon a Time there was a beautiful princess”… “And they all lived happily ever after.” Woah! What about the middle of the story? Shall we try again (again)? “Once Upon a Time there wasContinue reading “How to Survive Story-time!”
If you were so inclined, you could spend the entire 9 months between conception and birth reading book after book, each of which ‘guarantees’ to give you the authoritative and complete lowdown on the whole baby ‘experience’.
They are, I am sure, a positive thing – I’m not a fan of these manuals myself, but that’s just personal preference; I think there’s a point where preparation can teeter into obsession. That said, there’s a topic that none of these baby books devotes so much as a word to:
THE POO FACE
You’re at that point in a computer game, the one where you think you’ve nearly finished. You’ve mastered the gameplay, you know all the little tricks and strategies that lowly beginners miss. You’re feeling pretty smug, then suddenly – rather than being congratulated for completing the game – a big ‘Level TWO’ sign drops into view! Within moments you discover that ‘Level TWO’ is much harder than ‘Level ONE’. This isn’t a game anymore.
I’m constantly sniffing the air to see if a nappy needs changing or (God forbid) a leakage has occurred. They say that Queen thinks the world smells of fresh paint, which must be awful. Wet paint gives me a headache. For me, I’m sure the entire world smells of poo.
I have poo tinnitus.
I’m not sure if ‘poo tinnitus’ is a ‘thing’, but if it’s not it should be!
I’m so bored with the way we allow tired gender roles to limit our kids. Things must change.