“You should write that down!” a friend said, the other day – after my son said something absolutely baffling.
I sighed, it’s not like the exploits of my kids haven’t been overly reported already.
Apologies if you’re sick to death of my parenting stories… although, TBH, if you are, why are you reading this?
That said, my friend had a point.
Kids do say the funniest things – which I believe was also the name of a terrible ITV gameshow that I didn’t watch.
So, with the desire to record these juvenile utterances for posterity, here are some of the funnier things my son has said to me (NB, make sure you don’t split your sides with laughter):
- Nothing, and I DO MEAN NOTHING, would dissuade my son that this photograph – of which he caught a glimpse on my Facebook feed – wasn’t a snap of his Gramps. “It’s not Gramps,” I’d protest. “It’s another man.” “No, it’s Gramps!” he’d respond, becoming more and more determined. I knew the Gramps in question wouldn’t respond well to the comparison with the American President, so put a lot of effort into ridding my son of this belief. It hasn’t worked, which means anytime Gramps is in our company, and the news comes on, I jump up towards the TV to change the channel – just in case.
- “I’m a big boy, I don’t sit on mushrooms” was the, rather strange, utterance that greeted my other half and I over breakfast with our son recently. What do you say to that? Nobody, to my knowledge, had ever accused our little one of taking a seat on fungi of any form. I replied in the only way I knew: “Of course you don’t sit on mushrooms, or toadstools either.” In saying this I inadvertently opened another a can of worms, he had no idea about what a toadstool was. I tried to explain, while all the time battling the desire to explain it was the poo left by a large amphibian.
- “I want a baniana!” For some reason, for as long as he’s been verbal, my son has always mispronounced the word ‘Banana’ as ‘Baniana’. That rogue ‘i’ may not seem like much, but it means his pronunciation, with its extra syllable, causes giggles whenever it’s used. I don’t know why, but somehow the word ‘Baniana’ is funny. Worse than that, I’ve started to use it myself – in a totally involuntary manner – while out and about. If a child gets funny looks for saying ‘Can I have baniana shake please?’, you can be sure than a 40-something is considered very strange indeed!
- “It’s a little bit funny thought isn’t it?” Picture the scene: my son, just 3, is doing something naughty and quite cheeky – perhaps jumping up and down on a chair blowing raspberries. Dad (me) walks into shot, to calm this overexcited tot. “Get down from there,” I say. “It’s not funny.” To which my son replies “It’s a little bit funny though, isn’t it?” Which it is. Next thing I know I’m running from the room trying to find somewhere out of sight to rid myself of the laughter his cheekiness has generated in me. Telling off a kid who’s doing something genuinely funny – it’s not easy!
- Finally, for some reason, my son has decided that various parts of the human body are all detachable. God knows where he got that from. So I’ll frequently be halfway through a conversation when he’ll say: “Daddy, can you take my arm off, please?” The earnestness of the request is amazing, so I’ll struggle to explain that his arm is very much attached and going nowhere. A few hours later, it’ll be ‘Daddy can you take my head off please?” It’s amazing how disappointed he is when I explain that I can’t do as requested – that he isn’t some Lego man with removable parts.
My son says a lot of funny things, but I’ll leave the rest to another day.