7 Things Parents Of Toddlers Wish They Didn’t Have To Say…

This I just don’t get. If I present an item to my son, on his favourite plate, there’s a 50/50 chance of his eating it. If, however, I get the same item and throw it on the floor… 100% certain he’ll pick it up and munch away happily. 

For some reason, toddlers want to put everything in their mouths. So any walk in the park, trip across town or visit to the supermarket is perpetually punctuated with me saying: “Take that out of your mouth! We don’t eat off the floor”. 

Leaves, rocks, bits of twig, squashed chips & a whole assortment of litter have all been whisked from his grubby little mitts just before he attempted to eat them. If I’m honest, there have been several times when I didn’t get there quickly enough – so these items have had to be wrestled from between stubbornly closed lips. He, of course, thinks this is hilarious – while all I can think of is a potential night of projectile vomiting should he catch some lurgy or other. 

How much is too much TV? It’s a mystery.

I remember his mother and I would discuss, in those oft-remembered (much missed) quiet relaxed evenings before our son was born, television’s role in our household. We’d pretty much decided that our offspring would never be sullied by exposure to the telly. Equally he’d never touch sugar, only eat organic and spend his life with well-thought through educationally relevant play. 

What mugs we were!

Why Dads Are Better Than Superheroes

Dads do AMAZING things WITHOUT superpowers It’s (relatively) easy to save the day if you can fly or walk up the side of buildings. Superheroes (on the whole) are blessed with some pretty nifty abilities that the average person in the street could only dream of. They’ve got a bit (read ‘a lot’) of a head start. The thing is, I’ve seen dads do amazing things with no superpowers whatsoever. OK, OK, what they do might not be as ‘showy’ as the antics of Messrs Wayne, Kent and Stark – but they’re more impressive.

8 Things In Your Pockets That Prove You’re The Parent Of A Toddler!

A Musical Vehicle. Now I’m not suggesting that musical vehicles (like those created by Vtech) were first created by sadists in a diabolical plan to bring misery into the lives of already stressed-out parents. I’m not suggesting that at all. OK, I am suggesting that this might be one possibility.

(Almost) Famous…

My brush with fame was to take place at the Exeter offices of BBC Devon. From these far from exotic surroundings (sat in a glorified cupboard) I was to link in with show. It was only when I was seated, mic’d and framed for the piece that my stomach sank. I spent the next 30 minutes, looking at 4 monitors each displaying my features as we waiting for the allotted time. Under the harsh lighting (without makeup) I looked like crap. There’s no other way of looking at it, I looked like someone who’d just completed a sleep deprivation marathon. I have never seen myself look so old, tired or haggard.