The Old Ones Aren’t The Best

I don’t know about you, but I feel like my age has snuck up on me.

In my head, I’m still 24-25, yet my birth certificate disagrees. Apparently I’m 38.

Who knew?

There was a time when 38 sounded ancient. I mean, SERIOUSLY OLD. Now, as I approach 39, it seems like no age at all.

I’m beginning to realize that age changes different people in different ways. To be honest, I thought it hadn’t changed me at all. For example:

  • The idea of ‘free stuff’ in a cereal box still excites me. These days I’m aware that the toy (or similar) isn’t in fact free. It’s either a promotional device to persuade you to part with your money on a product or service, or they’ve raised the price of the cereal to cover the additional cost of the item. I know all of this, yet still I cry: “Let’s get this one, it’s got a free (INSERT BRANDED TAT HERE)!”91tdY3iAcZL._SL1500_
  • I still feel ‘naughty’ when I arrive in a pub. There is no way on earth I look under 18, I’m tall and often bearded. I have bags under my eyes and enough wrinkles to keep a Botox salon going for a month. Yet, despite all this, when I go into a pub, I still expect to get asked to leave this ‘grown up’ space.
  • I still double-take when people call me ‘Sir’. I don’t feel like a ‘Sir’ or a ‘Mister’ – that all seems far too grown up for me.
  • I still fantasize about buying and consuming bags of sweets. Whenever I walk past a sweet shop, I still say: “One day I’ll buy an entire jar of those…” I never will. I’m a diabetic.

Of late, however, I’ve taken up some activities that (on reflection) shock me. It took a friend to point out that I was ‘border-line middle-aged’ in order for me to see I’m not a young whipper-snapper any more.

  • My idea of a perfect evening is going to bed early – and sleeping. I’m serious. The days of partying, going to the pub or hitting the town are behind me. The biggest treat I could give myself is being in bed at 9pm to catch up on some shut-eye. I’m smiling just thinking about it. Give me a moment.
  • I love bin day! I genuinely get a frisson of excitement when bin day comes around. There’s something hugely cathartic about getting the wheelie emptied. God, I need to get out more.
  • I’ve started listening to The Archers. Let me say that again: I’VE STARTED LISTENING TO THE ARCHERS. It’s actually quite good. No, really. In my defence, it’s on the radio just after I put Sam to bed, when I’ve preparing dinner. Anyway I’ll just leave that one there…p01t7xy8
  • I make a loud sighing sound when sitting on (and standing up from) a chair. I’ve tried not doing this, but it seems I can’t. The sound is something like “Ahhheeee”. Thankfully I haven’t (as yet) started making a similar noise after the first sip of a hot drink.
  • I have no knowledge of chart music. As a kid I was determined I wouldn’t become a fuddy-duddy who didn’t enjoy Bros, Rick Astley or M People. But seriously, I have absolutely no interest at all in the tunes listened to by the young. I won’t go as far as to rubbish them, I’m sure they’re very good. They just don’t excite me, at all. I’ve even started doing something that really annoyed me as a kid: announcing the original was better than the modern cover version. I do this because it is ALWAYS true.
  • I’ve been Googling Skodas. I’m currently having driving lessons – I’m a late starter. I’ve promised myself that, when I pass my test, I’ll buy myself a nice Skoda. I can only imagine the despair this statement would generate in my 16 year-old-self. skoda_fabia_monte_carlo_estate_tech
  • I enjoy watching Sky Arts. I know, I know. But Landscape Artist of the Year, and it’s sibling Portrait Artist of the Year are such a relaxing watch. I do enjoy a good documentary.
  • I have considered buying slippers. I haven’t owned slippers since I was 9. But, this year I’m actually thinking of investing in some. They just look so comfortable.Slipper
  • I own thermal underwear. Enough said.

I’m going to go now, as I’m a little shocked by just how old I am.

It’s all very worrying.

The Out Of Depth Dad

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3 thoughts on “The Old Ones Aren’t The Best

  1. I can relate to just about all of this, so funny! Don’t you just love that moment when your head hits the pillow and your creaking bones reach the horizontal position in bed? The slippers are a tricky one, the hubby has asked for some (for Christmas lol) and I tried to buy him a pair but they were all so hideously tartainish and fuddy duddy I couldn’t bring myself to -and I’m not even a trends type!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I get you about the freebies in the cereal packets! And what about the little toy inside the Kinder eggs??? (some things you just never grow out of!)
    Loving your blog and humour – stumbled across it after seeing an article in a magazine – so glad I did!

    Like

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