I know that this is going to sound ridiculous. I can hardly believe I’m writing it myself.
But Sam and his mum are away, visiting her family and I miss them… loads.
That, you may note, is not ridiculous in itself. Missing my partner and my son is not a strange thing – of that I’m aware. But stay with me on this…
I feel like Morgan Freeman – sadly I don’t share his sonorous tones – in The Shawshank Redemption. I assume you’ve all seen it. If you haven’t, what on earth are you doing reading this? You must stop immediately and watch the movie. I’m not joking.
Good. They’ve gone.
In the film, you’ll remember that Morgan’s character ‘Red’ gets out of prison, after a long old sentence, and suddenly doesn’t know what to do with himself. All of those things he’d promised himself that he’d do don’t have the same attraction when he’s actually out. In fact, Red would much rather go back inside the prison. He likes its routine, its certainties.
Now, before people start screaming at me, I know very well that fatherhood is not a prison. It does, however, share some similarities. What I’m thinking of is a lack of self-determination. You can’t just do what you want to do, when you want to do it. There have been many times in the months since my son and heir was born during which I’ve just craved silence, a nice cold beer and a Bond film on the telly. I’m a man of predictably simple tastes.
So now, here I am in a silent house, with every Bond movie at my fingertips and a fridge full of beer and what do I want?
Don’t get me wrong. I will have a beer at some stage, and I might even spend an hour or two watching the hi-camp antics of one Mr Roger Moore. It’s all good. But now that I’ve got what I thought I wanted I realize it is a pale whim compared to spending time with my little one and his mum.
I don’t write on here to be unnecessarily soppy, that’s not how I’m built. I’m just telling you how it is. Parenthood is a weird thing, it pushes you to the limits of tiredness, of sanity of… well everything really. But it takes a little break from the daily grind to remind yourself how much you actually enjoy it. How happy you are.
That’s enough profundity from me.
Carry on as you were, I’m off to get used to the temporary peace and quiet.
The Out of Depth Dad.