8 Things In Your Pockets That Prove You’re The Parent Of A Toddler!

A Musical Vehicle. Now I’m not suggesting that musical vehicles (like those created by Vtech) were first created by sadists in a diabolical plan to bring misery into the lives of already stressed-out parents. I’m not suggesting that at all. OK, I am suggesting that this might be one possibility.

(Almost) Famous…

My brush with fame was to take place at the Exeter offices of BBC Devon. From these far from exotic surroundings (sat in a glorified cupboard) I was to link in with show. It was only when I was seated, mic’d and framed for the piece that my stomach sank. I spent the next 30 minutes, looking at 4 monitors each displaying my features as we waiting for the allotted time. Under the harsh lighting (without makeup) I looked like crap. There’s no other way of looking at it, I looked like someone who’d just completed a sleep deprivation marathon. I have never seen myself look so old, tired or haggard. 

5 Things I’ve Heard Myself Say Since I Became A Dad…

“I look forward to bin day, I find it strangely cathartic.” That bin day or ‘Big Bin Day’ as we call it our house – in order to distinguish it from the lesser recycling box collection day – is a highlight of my month, surprises me.

Our FOMO society is censoring life and ruining parenting!

In the meantime we parents, who have enough on their plate, are beaten with (metaphorical) sticks. Trending hashtags, focusing on parenting perfection, tell us we’re doing it all wrong. Instagram images of perfectly dressed, puke free, angelic children make the rest of us sick to the stomach as we battle to dress our toddlers without WW3 breaking out. Linked-in profiles that show parents simultaneously looking after kids, pursuing an amazing career, charity work, an interesting hobby and maintaining great hair – make the rest of us feel like crap.

5 Things Every Stay At Home Dad Knows…

I briefly considered trying to wrestle the pouch from the woman, but quickly dismissed the idea. One of the issues of being a large man is that, if discovered fighting with a Miss Marple look-a-like in the Co-op, few people are likely to believe that you didn’t start it.